Everyone has their “Everest;” that one life challenge that they know they must complete before their soul leaves this earth. For me, after 44 years of life, I figured out that my “Everest” is the ability to give unconditional love. I’ll be honest. To love unconditionally has been difficult for me. I often asked myself is unconditional love possible? I mean love without conditions, really? As long as we have egos and a desire to receive, there’s going to be conditions. Resentments build when you give without the get. We are human and humans want to know what’s in it for them. That’s just the way it goes. Cynical? Yes! I describe unconditional love as my “Everest.” People die climbing Mt. Everest. It’s a huge feat. Loving unconditionally is like climbing Everest. However, these days I like to think that as I focus on the accomplishment (the dangerous climb) and love with the intention to just give love without agenda; unconditional love just happens.
“No Matter What; three BIG words.”
I believe the difference between conditional love and unconditional love is the commitment part; the “I will Love you no matter what” part. It’s marrying someone thinking, this is it. This is the person who I will grow old and die with. You can’t go into a marriage thinking, well if it sucks, I can always get a divorce. I made that mistake. It was an escape door. It was based on fear. I know that now. I was a very very non-committal person. Love with escape doors, no tattoos, no kids. I was very uncomfortable with doing anything that can’t be undone. At 27, I got married because going in, I knew there was a possible out. Yes there was love and friendship and desire to be together for the rest of our lives but the escape door was always there. Then after almost 17 years of marriage (12 together, 5 separated) we opened that escape door, walked through and got divorced.
So now at 44, I’m childfree, digging deep and asking the big questions about life and unconditional love. I even created a business that encourages others to explore themselves and ask these big important questions. Can I love another human unconditionally? I know I love my dog unconditionally but that’s because he adores me, doesn’t talk back, basically follows me around looking at me lovingly. When he was puppy, he chewed my shoes. Did I give him back? Nope. I put my shoes out of his reach. I committed to this dog. I looked him in his little fuzzy face and said I will love you, take care of you and I will always come back no matter what.
“When you know better, you do better.” ~ Maya Angelou
Currently I’m in a relationship that challenges me in a great way! It pushes me out of my comfort zone. I see sides to myself I knew existed in me. I love the person I am in this relationship! I used to be so masculine, such a tough New Yorker, but the softer me was in there all along. Now, I’m way more patient. I’m also more graceful, nurturing and feminine. I now see there’s strength in that. I love that I can take a breath and allow my feminine side to shine.
I guess when it comes to relationships at this stage in my life, I’m older, wiser, and more committed to loving myself. That is the key. I promised, finally after years and years of beating myself up, that I have committed to loving myself unconditionally; no matter what. It’s hard. I see myself naked in the mirror and things aren’t as tight and toned as they used to be. It’s okay. I see the grays coming in faster. It’s okay. I love myself. I’m not a multimillionaire…yet. I made mistakes. All good, I love myself. I care for myself. I treat myself kindly. I know better so I do better and I am committed to loving myself unconditionally, no matter what.
Love yourself unconditionally and attract unconditional love.
I finally understood that how we care and love ourselves is how we love and care for others. If I only love myself when I’m making a certain income, weigh a certain weight, wear certain clothes and carry a certain bag then that’s how I’d love someone else. I’d look at their outside and would only love them if they matched some ideal. It’s a blessing that I learned this lesson. It’s scary as hell at the same time. Removing the escape door means getting out of a comfort zone; but growth comes when you acknowledge a weakness and push through. So here I am; 4 months into this relationship and there have been instances where I caught myself searching for the escape door. Then my softer feminine side, my compassionate side says, “Lis, don’t be afraid. You’re not perfect. You’re just loving and lovable. You decided you’re all in with yourself, all is well.” Then I look outward with compassion and empathy. Instead of the easy escape door, I dig deep and find the loving words to say and a solution. It turns things around. Unconditional love is my Everest baby! Sure I may plummet to my death; a metaphor for being hurt in the worst way, but it’s okay because I unconditionally love myself… no matter what.
Lisa Concepcion, writer, speaker, vlogger and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching™ is a Professional Life Coach specializing in dating, relationships and self-love. Originally from New York now based in Miami, Lisa candidly shares the valuable lessons she learns on her own LoveQuest journey offering online workbooks and video workshops, group workshops, one-on-one sessions, and seminars, to help people attract, give and keep love starting with love of self. Connect with Lisa via her YouTube Channel or by visiting LisaConcepcion.com